Reflections On Cystitis

I did stand up last Sunday and just before I went on I thought, do I want stand in front of a room full of people and pretend to be my boyfriend gagging on my pubic hair? 

Similarly, I am currently sat in my bed and thinking, do I want to write 500 or so words about a UTI that plagues me and then put it on the internet?

I say yes to both because they both concern my vagina and there is no topic I love more than my vaginé…

If you don’t know your UTIs but you know your Shakespeare… Well, in Romeo and Juliet, when Mercutio says, “A plague on both your houses.” That plague was cystitis.

a plague on both

If I don’t like another human I think in my head, A CYSTITIS PLAGUE ON YOUR URETHRA HOUSE! If I love another person I think, MAY YOUR URETHRA BE FREE FROM CYSTITIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS!

Continue reading “Reflections On Cystitis”


30 Reasonable Ways to Deal With Your Arch Enemy

This is my best friend.


At the moment my dissertation is crowning and I am in a lot of vaginal and lower back pain as a result. Writing lists allows me to dole out much wanted and needed advise to the masses of people like a queen. So read this post about how to deal with meanies and you will have a fruitful life and many children.

  1. Fart near them and walk away.
  2. Fart near them, stay their and look at them as though they are completely disgusting. If you do this well enough they will doubt themselves and become mortified.
  3. Leave a wet towel on their bed.
  4. Ask them how they like their tea and then make it the complete opposite way. Tell them to enjoy.
  5. Tell them that you really admire how they don’t feel the need to wash.
  6. Poke them on Facebook and don’t explain it.
  7. Smile at them. Continue reading “30 Reasonable Ways to Deal With Your Arch Enemy”